Traci: Is this normal?
This was at one point a comment on Traci's blog, but it passed the length threshold for comments and it started getting deeper. So, I decided to post it here instead.
The other day the good Reverend Ramsey referred to me as a computer guy. I tried to explain to him that I do the computer thing for a living, but it's not my life. I tend to think of myself as an unemployed professional athlete.
Patrick commented that men, specifically young professionals, get caught up in our careers and our vocation becomes our identity, who we are. My struggle isn't in seeking my identity in what I currently do, I struggle with the security of my current place in the work force. I know I can do what I am doing, and I can do it relatively well. I am blessed to have a job at a place some people refer to as Disneyland. I get paid well, I have very little risk of being laid-off, and I have incredible benefits.
The problem is I don't think I was made to test software. However, I have a wife, a kid, and a pile of bills, including a mortgage. I ask myself often, "Is my faith big enough to leave the cozy life for uncertainty?"
If you take away my wife and my son, the answer is absolutely. However, I am a lot more willing to put myself at risk than I am willing to put Kim and Palmer in a situation where they are at risk.
Am I doing myself and, more importantly, my family a disservice by not relinquishing control to God? In my heart I feel that the the answer is yes, but in my mind I think differently. It is a struggle that eats at me. One that tests the core of who I am. And honestly sometimes I feel like I am failing that test.
Labels: blogosphere
posted by Shannon Smith @ 8/30/2007
4 Comments
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4 Comments:
so Shannon what would you do, if there were no risks? just wondering. mama p.
A couple of comments:
1) Thanks for the shout out!
2) My mom has a good question... what would you rather be doing?
3) I am realizing that this questioning that we do; it is normal... but, we shouldn't settle for just the questioning... I'm pretty sure that each of us many paths we can take and we get to choose and God uses us where we are, but I like what patrick said about where your passions meet your gifting...
4)what do kim and palmer think?
5) What does God say when you pray about it?
Obviously, none of us can comment on whether the feelings you are having are the Lord pulling you somewhere different. I'd encourage you to pray through that and see where that goes.
The point that I want to try to make is that we have to realize where work fits in with our life. I really don't think it is what we do, instead it's how we do it. Are you doing the work God has given you as unto him? Are you glorifying Him in what you are doing? If so then you ARE serving Him. Paul made tents. Joseph of A. was a wealthy man. Abram left the security of his family when called. Was one of their jobs better than anothers? Are what Paul and Abram did better b/c they were more "radical" than what Joseph did. No, it was what they were called by God to do and they served Him to the best of their abilities in that work. I hope that makes sense and isn't just rambling.
Another thing I wonder about is why you feel that security in your job is a bad thing. Why do you say that? In itself security is not a bad thing. Scripture has multiple examples of "successful" men and women. The issue is when that security becomes more important than obedience. Again, perhaps God is moving you to something different or perhaps you are going to be at SAS for the remainder of your career. Neither one is more radical than the other. What is radical is that you are choosing to serve Christ and share Him in a fallen world.
Bro!!!
I feel you on the "do I really trust God?" I wonder how different my life would be if I believed everything I want to belive.
I will say that the fact you are truly willing to wrestle with this and not hide from it is a good indicator that you will end up closer to where you should be... keep on seeking man. It is an encouragement to more than you know. I am honored to runt his race with you (from another unemployed professional athelete)
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